Have The Dating Blues? #MeToo | NYT Op-Ed

I'm single this year for the very first time All I want is a man who's not committed a crime

Oh boy But that feels very unlikely in this landscape we're in Much to my chagrin And so I’m going on dates And I'm truck'n along But then all of these dudes, they say a million things wrong So here's some examples of the straight dating scene In two thousand and eighteen Hey

Hey Have you been reading the news? Yeesh! Maybe let's order some booze? Well, I’d really like to hear about your views This movement's gotten just a touch out of hand Well, change only happens after taking a stand Hey! Would you ever want to come see my band? What did you say? Ugh! That's not ok! I'm feeling triggered and you've ruined my day

Hey hey ho ho! Donald Trump's gotta go! Join the resistance, you tone deaf Joe Schmoe Singing ooh, This guy's garbage Ooh, this guy's clearly a foe You see we’re victims of systemic oppression Yeah, but thank God we’re in a time of progression Your deflection is a microaggression

I didn’t mean it Please don't be mad Aw, buddy Do you have more to add? Hashtag not all men are that bad What did you say? That's not ok! I'm feeling triggered in every which way

Doesn't that plant look great? Go ahead masturbate While I call Ronan Farrow to break up this date Singing ooh, men are toxic Oooh, Why on earth am I straight? So I think time is up, I'm done with this Even though I'm a white feminist I still need to complain Oprah, please save my brain So I assume you've roofied my beer

Geez, that joke is way too severe Well, we’ve had a terrible year I swear I sympathize with your plight How? You're a straight cisgendered man who is white Wow, can I say anything right? What did you say? That's not ok! My cat person doesn't exist anyway

Unless it's my cat That's it! I'll marry my cat! He wouldn't hurt me because he's not like that Singing ooh, Everyone meet Trent Actually, cats can’t consent Fair enough

Source: Youtube

You Might Also Like